Stay-At-Home Mom Confession: I Want A Job!

I’ve been a stay-at-home Mom for twelve years. When I read that sentence back it absolutely shocks me to the core because it was never my plan. Before I had children, before I met my husband, I had always believed that it was important for a woman to keep working alongside starting a family. I had a theory that working part-time was ideal because that way a mother was keeping her own identity while also being there to nurture her children. To add to this the children would benefit from socializing with others. 

So when I became pregnant with my first child, I made plans to redirect my career. I managed to secure a part-time job and began scouting around child-care options in London (pricey but essential). Then everything changed: my husband got a job transfer to Belgium and before I knew it, we were moving house to live in another country and all of a sudden…I no longer had a job.

Six years in Belgium were spent settling in and having another child. We were speaking another language and adapting to a new community. These, I believed, were good reasons not to go back to work and I became a full-time Mom. 

Then we moved to the States. And until recently, when we got the illusive Green Card, I couldn’t work because my visa wouldn’t allow it.  I was officially just “a spouse.” We had another child.

I love my kids. They amaze me, I look at them and am in disbelief that these three wonderful human beings are my children.  I’m not going to admit to your face (obviously that would be rude and tactless) but secretly I think, no I know, my children are the best in the world! 😉

But … I want a job. I still feel the way I did years ago when I was single and childless. In fact I believe it even more strongly. I meet women like me who are happy to be full-time mothers, they thrive on it and they are fullfilled.  And I’m jealous.  Because no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself feel that way. Somehow it’s not enough. And in the back of my mind I feel that it would be healthier for me and my children if I went back to work.

I don’t want to live through my children, I want to live alongside my children. (Almost thought I’d be struck down by lightening for saying that but no … I’m still here.)

Does that make me selfish? What do you think? Are you a stay-at-home Mom who yearns to go back to work? Or did you give up work so that you could be a full-time Mom?  Maybe you’re a working Mom who has to work and would prefer not to? Or a Mom who never considered giving up her career to have children?  

I would love to hear from you! 🙂

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7 Comments

Filed under Chick Lit, children, creative writing, fiction, life journey, motherhood, novel, parenting, publishing, self discovery, self publishing, Uncategorized, writing

7 responses to “Stay-At-Home Mom Confession: I Want A Job!

  1. Excellent post today. Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed it very much.

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  2. Feel your pain Ella! Though I’m in a slightly different situation in that Kevin and I chose to homeschool our kids. Still, everyday, I wish I had something that was mine and mine alone. We do have a grand plan where I’ll have my own gig, but sometimes I’d like to fast-forward.

    • Yes that’s what it is: it’s feeling like I’m always scrambling to get something that is just mine and mine alone! I fantasize about a summer house all of my own where I can go and hide! 🙂

  3. Ella, you’re an AUTHOR, too, remember? You’ve written books!! You do have that part-time-job-thing. Granted, you’re not making a lot of money (YET), but to me, you’re already living the dream! Those books and characters are yours and yours alone!

    If you were making a living on book sales, would you feel more fulfilled? Or do you really just want that job, where you go to work every day for someone else? I’d do anything to be able to just write (and if I wasn’t so selfish, to just write with a couple of kids afoot, too). Maybe you just need a change of scenery… or, like, your own office that’s not in your home… just a thought.

    I’ve already told you, I think you’ve got it all. But I can imagine it being difficult to truly have a life to yourself when you don’t have a lot of time alone, or in your own element.

    What sort of job would you want?

    • Hmm…maybe I’m suffering from a case of grass is greener? I think the problem is lack of balance! I’m not getting enough time for me exlusively and that’s frustrating but … that’s life I guess! 🙂

  4. I don’t want to live through my children, I want to live alongside my children.
    That sentence says it all and I feel the exact same way you do. You ARE AN AUTHOR!! Do not discount that. Make sure your new house has an office just for you and designate work hours. Tell the school and everyone else that you can’t do stuff from this time to this time because you’re working.
    Read this blog by Kristen Lamb http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/dont-eat-the-butt-lies-that-can-poison-our-writing-career-1/

  5. Love Kirsten Lamb’s blog on this – thanks for pointing it out to me – I needed to read that! 🙂

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